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Funny Horse Jokes and Humor

(Q) What did Mr. Ed say to the throat specialist?
(A) I'm feeling a little hoarse!
Stephanie Craven San Diego,CA

(Q) What do two horse in love do on the internet?
(A) They E-Loap! hahahahaha!

(Q) Where do most Mormon horses live?
(A) Salt Lick City!
Moses Lipshaw San Diego, CA
Q: What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while whatching his t.v. show?

A: I wish I could hear you whinnie.

Brittany Steinke - Winnipeg, Manitoba



Where do you take a sick horse???

To the Horspital!
Kyle L.age 7



A cowboy rode into town on Thursday,
Stayed 3 days and rode out on Thursday.
How is this possible?

Answer: His horse's name was Thursday!!!!
CHOW! Shelby Boyce Wells River, VT




A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.



One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $500 for him."
"He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said.
The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to $1,000."
"He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours."
The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!"
The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"




One day, while I was petting a Shetland Pony at the zoo, a friend of mine asked, "How are you today?." I responded, "I'm feelin a little hoarse."



A city dweller came to a farm and saw a beautiful horse. He decided he had to have the animal. He bargained with the farmer and the farmer finially sold him the horse. The city man jumped on the horse and said, "Giddyup!" The horse didn't budge. The farmer explained, "This is a special kind of horse. He'll only move if you say, 'Praise the Lord.' To stop him, you have to say, 'Amen.'" Keeping this in mind, the new owner yelled, "Praise the Lord!" whereupon the horse took off with great speed. Soon horse and rider were headed for a cliff. Just in time the rider remembered to say "Amen!" The horse came to a screeching halt right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, the rider raised his eyes to heaven and exclaimed, "Praise the Lord!"



JUNIOR: Daddy, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath his belly, catches hold of its tail and finishes on the horse's neck!
FATHER: That's nothing. I did all that the first time I rode a horse!




Murphy's Horse Laws

There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.
No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
The least useful horse in you barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.
Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.
Horses you hate cannot be sold and will out live you.
Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.
If you approach within fifty feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.
Your barn will fall down without baling twine.
Hoof picks always run a way from home.
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.
If you are winning, then quit, becayse there is only one way to go. Down!




Sending your horse to a trainer without their own fly spray and mask is like sending your kid to camp without any underwear!



A horse walks up to the bar and orders a drink from the bartender. The bartender sets the drink in front of him and tells the horse, "it's o.k. buddy, you can talk to me. Why the long face?"



P.M.S. -- Pissy Mare Syndrome



You know your a horse lover when- ~ Your friend says "Hurry Up" when you're walking slow and you cluck.



You know you are a horseperson when:

-You cluck to your car when you go up a hill.
-Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own.
-You refer to your car as "my portable tack room".
-You are exited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are dissapointed when you realize they mean the bridal shop.
-You have the vet's number but not your kid's pediatrician on your speed dial.
-Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room.
-Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin.
-Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair all over them.
-You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the barn.Only horsepeople would spend hundreds of dollors on a show for a 95 cent ribben




A man left for a trail ride on Friday, and came back 3 days later on Friday. How? His horse's name was Friday!



Q: What is a horses favorite kind of party? A: A stall ball.



Five Gaited Horse: Start, Stop, Stumble, Stagger and Fall.



Horse slang: Skid Lid - a riding helmet.



Q: Why couldn't the pony sing? A: Because his voice was a little hoarse!!!



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